Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes....

Change is the only constant in life (besides death and taxes and we find ourselves avoiding those as much as possible)

So Change... as a concept.

Every day, despite the seeming mundanity, might appear the same, but is in fact very different.
You are a different person today than you were yesterday. You have aged a day, you might have aches and pains today that you didn't have yesterday, there might be news coming today that will change things for you.

Life is always in a state of flux, a state of change.

Embracing the changes and moving with the flow of life is easier than kicking against it.

I'm not suggesting that you allow things to wash over you unaware, or people to walk all over you. But accepting that life brings change, then rolling with those changes really can make a difference to your state of mind.

When we're faced with getting older, becoming what we weren't in our youth, when we were filled with vigour and fire, when we could change the world and take on every battle, then we have to reflect for a while. It might lead us to getting upset about our lack of youth, our aging, our being unable to do what we did when we were younger and this can lead to negative states of mind.

Now, there were plenty of things I could do when I was younger that I can't do now (or do very well now). However, does this mean that our lives are valueless??

As we age and grow, we learn so much about life, people, and the world. We gain skills that we didn't have when we were younger, we are changed by our life experiences and with that we usually become better at being us. We identify with our self and we can identify with others and show understanding and empathy.

We can grow into mighty trees, the acorn of youth only every shows potential.. as we grow we branch out, try new things, find out what works for us. We can choose to reach for the stars and take our journeys to new and exciting places, or we can sit and ruminate about our lost youth.

I know what I prefer. Forward motion. Embrace the changes.
The past has gone... learn from it, be empowered by it.

If you need to change, embrace the changes. Welcome them in with the lessons that they bring.
Life is far more interesting that way.

Life.. Crikey..

Life.. its what happens when you're busy making other plans. Can't remember who said it, but its true. You get caught up chasing things and yet never seem to grasp what's going on.

You stay in relationships that have outstayed their welcome.. why?
You hang around with people that have a negative effect on you.. why?
You carry on doing the same old same old and ask... why?

Life is for living. Its for grabbing by the balls, shaking it around a bit and stepping out of complacency.

I have longed for a life of stability, calm and peace.. Instead I'm faced with the roller coaster that is life constantly. In my face, up front and personal. I want to get on and enjoy the ride, yet when I step on it I end up more afraid than ever. The churning feeling in the pit of my stomach really really increasing my anxiety levels and leaving me feeling washed out.

I should step away from everything.
I should just walk away, throw my hands in the air and say "whatever"
But its the addiction that keeps me there. Within that fear is the element of "Go on then, I'll try it, just for once, cos I might just like it"

And then I do and I love it. I'm clinging on with both hands, feeling the wind rush through my hair and I'm off, hurtling around the roller coaster again.

I love it. I love what life throws at me sometimes. Whether its good for me or not. I have to hang on and see where it takes me.

Life is for living.

Don't forget to live while you're still alive.
Don't stay in the safe secure place if its not where you belong.
Get on the roller coaster.

Revelations from a Tuesday night

So, I posted a status on Facebook, yes it was vague, but the words seemed appropriate. Here it is:

'Revelations in the middle of the night... Yeah, that's really conducive to a good nights sleep! And I'm not talking about reading biblical prophecy either. Sometimes you give things your best shot. Realising that it wasn't you that has the problem is a revelation in and of itself. When you've tried your best and that best isn't good enough. When you've laid your cards on the table and yet you still don't make breakthroughs. When everything becomes a battle. You know then its time to move on.
I am grateful for all the opportunities for learning that I have received so far in this life, you have given me colour, added depth to my soul and made me the woman I am today. Thank you.'

So, the middle of the night happened. Not so much a 'Long Dark Night of the Soul' type of thing, more like a 'Wake up and smell the coffee again' kind of thing. Its followed various conversations with assorted people recently. Some of these people are closer than others, receiving information from various sources, including a tarot reading I did for myself.

So the revelations were coming in thick and fast. Personal ones, the kind that appear in the middle of the night and keep you awake. I'll be accused of 'thinking too much' no doubt. But its what I do. I receive information and I process it, if it becomes easier to understand as a result, then great! If I can share it with people, then great. They don't have to take any notice of it.

One of the themes for me in recent months is "Speak your truth". I have spent many years not speaking my truth, worried about what people will say, concerned that I might look foolish. I've now reached the point that if I have something to say, then I'll say it. It follows a conversation I had recently with someone who basically said "Children are great, they just say what's on their mind, no filters, no fear of what people will say" and its true. If we have a truth in our heart, whether it be a personal truth, or a greater/wider truth acknowledged by many, if its a truth for us, then it resonates. Agreed we can use tact and decorum, but ultimately we have to speak our truth. All of us need to be honest with ourselves about who we are, what we enjoy, what we dislike, what really really makes us tick. If we don't we're living in a state of denial. Denial of who we are at the core of our being. If you are truly being yourself, then the right people will like you, the wrong people, people who don't resonate with you will fall by the wayside. You will naturally attract the right people for you at that time, with whom you can learn life's lessons.

Sometimes you give things your best shot. You try to do what you consider is right and there's no harm in that. You try to appease people, sooth their egos and construct for yourself an untrue state of being. Because you are technically compromising who you are. Compromising that very honest self. You might give something your best shot and receive rewards and indicators that you are definitely on the right track. You'll receive the feedback from the people around you that you really are doing the right thing. If you are doing something that compromises that very honest true self, then ultimately you are not living in your own being, you are perhaps compromising too much. I'm not saying don't compromise, just be aware that when you compromise, you might be coming from a place that is alien to your true self. 

When you get to the stage of 'realising that it wasn't you with the problem' you are making a breakthrough. I'm not suggesting that we be self righteous, but rather, sometimes people construct for themselves a brick wall, we can either help that person take that wall down and they'll be glad of the help, or we leave it in place. People will always have opinions and problems with the opinions of others, its human nature, but do we have to take on those problems as our own? Do we have to take that brick wall into our being. The baggage we all carry through life can and should be left at the door when we enter into relationship with someone. Instead we usually bring it all in and dump it at the door with an attitude of "Here's my shit.. deal with it because I can't be bothered". To be in our true self we are aware of the baggage we have and we don't burden others with it. If we feel that something is too painful, we can choose to deal with it and move on, or we can choose to suffer through our attatchment. Personally I recommend moving on, its immensely liberating. 

The laying of the cards on the table, is the being true to oneself. Of saying to others, 'this is me, take it or leave it'. You can't change the opinions of others, or change others and their baggage. You can only show people what you do with yours. You can easily say "I'm me, get over it" and can alienate ourselves from others by being arrogant. I'm not suggesting arrogance, rather being honest with the self again about what you truly want and not being afraid to say "I want this for my life, or that" If something doesn't resonate.. move on! Don't feel compelled to stay with something if it isn't working once you've laid your cards on the table. If it doesn't feel right, don't do it. If you're with someone and you're not being your true self, don't stay for the sake of the other person. Set them free. Don't spend years regretting, set yourself free and be yourself. You will naturally attract the right people to you. 

Things are a battle at times. Sometimes a good argument can help to clear the air. But if we were all honest and upfront anyway, then there would be no need to battle. It would be a simple discussion, points of view aired and some headway, hopefully, made, or at least agreeing to disagree. When we go into battle, we're expecting to get hurt, we can hurt others by what we say, and get hurt by the retaliation. 

Each and every person we meet provides opportunities for learning. They might reflect aspects of our personality that we don't like. Maybe they'll show us different ways of being that might appeal to us. Whatever happens when you're interacting with others will have an effect on you, its up to you how you deal with it. You can choose to be affected in a good way and learn from the experience, or not. If you choose not to learn, then the same things will present themselves until you learn that really there is a lesson in this.

Change in life is inevitable. We each go through life and have to deal with changes when they happen. Some of the changes are good, some are perhaps not so good, but again the change will bring lessons to learn and grow from.

So, in conclusion. Be true to yourself, be honest with yourself and others about everything. Sometimes the truth hurts, but its OK and everything will be OK. You'll grow as a person even if something feels so painful that you don't think you'll get through. Fact is you'll get through and you'll be a better person for it. 

Thank you for reading. 

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New Blog

OK.. There have been some changes..
My old blog name of "wyldwych" has been replaced by "msmcdonagh".. I changed it to reflect how I feel about my name being out there, also because I wanted to move away from being anonymous on the internet.
I used my nom de plume to hide behind, to be someone other than the real me. So I changed it.

I also started a new blog, this one is called : Forty Plus Fat and Fabulous
http://www.fortyplusfatandfabulous.blogspot.com

I wanted to explore what it was like being over 40, and being creative, alternative, and funky, with a fashion bent, only not high fashion, rather individual fashion.. To prove that its not just young people who have the monopoly on looking good, whatever shape or size they are. I may do hair and make-up bits (no I'm not a trained make-up artist.. just have 30 years of practice!), creative makes, shopping hauls, etc.. I suppose my post yesterday was the start of that, so I'll post that one there too.. so that I can share with everyone..

While I'm not trained in anything in particular that I could consider bloggin about, I thought I'd start with my creative side. I feel the need to share what I do have, what interests me, is bound to interest others too.
I'm kind of using it as a way of stepping into a more confident me too..

After all it took me till I was 37 to step behind a microphone to start singing, its about time I started putting the rest of my life in some sort of order.. of returning to my creative roots, instead of hiding it away, sharing it with the world.. I've always enjoyed my hauls of charity shop finds, but was embarrassed at times.. Some of my friends have wondered down the years how I manage to find things that I like, the key is looking and not always looking in the same place..

Well, its going to be my world and I might as well enjoy it, instead if hiding my light under a bushel, its time to step out into the world and show it what I'm made from! I don't intend to slip slowly into my middle years a wall flower, instead I expect to go kicking and screaming!!

Shopping Haul and being in a bad mood.

Today was going to be "one of those days".. I woke in the foulest of moods, really downbeat, and had to force myself to get out of bed and engage in the day. I packed the kids off to school and set about trying to make the day work for me.

Wednesday is usally my "trip to town" day.. I say town, Stoke town centre doesn't boast much beyond Sainsbury's, a couple of cheap shops and a plethora of charity shops.. Anyway, when I'm feeling blue, a good charity shop mooch is usually one way of elevating my mood, and so, there we have it, its what I did..

First up was the little charity stall in Stoke Market, where I picked up some cream Mary Jane heeled shoes (Heaven help my poor feet!) for the princely sum of £1.. the're from New Look and are made from leather and despite one scuff to the front of one of them, they're perfect. Next was The Donna Louise Trust shop, which is a fantastic one, full of furniture, clothing and all manner of "stuff".. purchased: 2 polka dot silk scarves, for the sum total of 50p!!! BARGAIN!

I scoured Scope and came up with nothing and so to the Red Cross shop, however the Dougie Mac shop yielded more bargains.. 2 black cotton summer skirts for £2 each.. the one on the left of the pic is a Rocha John Rocha, the other a Wallis, so both good quality skirts, for very cheap!! Can't wait to try them on and see what I have that I can team them up with.

The cream shoes.. well, I was going to cover them with fabric, beads and the like, but I really like them as they are, so I may just leave them for now.. as they are pretty cute as they are.

While my mood isn't all that great, I'm chuffed to bits with my bargains.. all for the princely sum of £5.50!!!!

Ooops, I almost forgot.. I also bought a lovely book called "50 Years of Everyday Fashion", which was published by Yours magazine, not everyone's cup of tea, but I couldn't resist it because of all the fantastic vintage photos from the Second World War right through to well, more modern times. I'm sorely tempted to do a photo montage, or somesuch, on a canvas to put around the flat.. But it would be a shame to cut up the book.. Oh decisions decisions... Oh yeah, and I got it for £1.. so either way its a bargain!

I've recently been getting back into "fashion", well, over the past few years I have, and looking back to the past for inspiration. Once upon a time I studied A level Fashion and loved it and have been seriously thinking of making clothes again as I have the skills, but rarely use them. Its motivation I lack in all honesty, distracted by other things, such as life, job-hunting, kids, etc.. However, I'm happiest when I'm doing something creative, which is why I knit and crochet so much! I have patterns and I have some material.. So I think I may set myself the challenge of making something, I'll say, at some point.. rather than commit to anything just yet, but I should get out the fabric and shears, the pattern and the pins and start making.
The thing is, I go to so many handmade fairs and the like and I keep thinking to myself "I could make that", or "I'm sure that would be easy to make".. yet I never seem to get around to it!! Procrastination is a killer, as is low self-esteem (which is something else I carry like a sack of spuds!), and its important to feel positive about projects before starting them, which I initially do, then get distracted, or just get up in a foul mood, like today.. hey ho.. at least its only one day!

So, I shall set myself a new challenge, to try and beat the "blues"...

1) Do something creative each day, whether it be writing a blog, sewing something, spinning some yarn, drawing, making, or whatever.
2) Not be disappointed with myself if I don't finish a project that day
3) Stick with it, instead of throwing in the towel
4) Don't give up on a project, unless its not working, then try to do something else with it

Well, its a good place to start. I have loads of ideas, some of them not entirely practical, however, some of them might just be "the thing" to get my creative juices flowing and to see where it leads me. So I plan to resurrect my "Spinyche" blog, where I show all my handspun yarn and knitting and crochet projects. Start another blog on sewing, or just general creativity and see what happens.

Hurrah for inspiration! About time you reared your head and allowed me to find some way through this quagmire of mud that is my bad mood...

Onwards and upwards!

The craziness continues

Looking back over my past blog entries and I've realised that I still am a very lazy blogger.. I really keep forgetting about it.. also part of me wonders, do people actually read my blog, or even care about what I'm writing..

I sit here now and its Graeme's birthday, I've just had the badness cut out of my hair.. leaving me with a short layered bob.. and it could go shorter! But its not going to.. I've just put up a blog page for Rain.. I had my gallbladder out last November, prior to which I lost over 2 stone in weight... It just made me realise that nothing ever stays the same.. change is an inevitable part of life.. and it doesn't matter whether I blog it or not.. the world still turns...

I looked back on what I've achieved and what I haven't and I just think.. I'm still here... which is a bonus..

Everything changes

Oh, not only do I have to put up with Facebook doing its major Timeline overhaul and forcing its insidious tripe on everyone.. Blogger is going the same way!!! WHY???

Why can't they just leave well alone??

Oh I'm not a happy bunny about this... I mean people of a certain age struggle with change... so we should be allowed to keep our old "look", or device management systems so that we can make sense of this stupid world.. without having to waste time learning new systems...

GAH!!!

PAH!!

MEH!!